you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I wish you could order shots online.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
