If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
