Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
