dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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