Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
its not stalking. its research.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
