im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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