I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
