so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
