You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
