So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
