Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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