how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
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