I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
