my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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