I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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