I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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