is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
