why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
