What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The power of my boobs compel you
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
