I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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