My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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