Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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