Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
