I can text with my tongue
she smelled like a LAN party
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
