Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
