So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
