areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
