I accidentally burped into my bong.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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