So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i need some magic done to my vagina
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
