I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
