this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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