I want to make a zoo with you.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
