im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
