So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
