The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Your cock deserves a montage
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
