i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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