thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
