Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
