what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
