he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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