Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
