This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
