I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
