I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
