I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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