I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
