Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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