I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
