i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's blow job season.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
