neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
