The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
