Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
