woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
