More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
