I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
