Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
