operation harelip BJ is a go
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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