His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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