That's intense
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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