i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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