During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
