my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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