flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I FOUND THE LEGS
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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