With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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