Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
There was a lot of him and a little penis
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
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