I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
don't judge my taste in strippers
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
