I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
