I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
