DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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